Moonstone Ramblings

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Here we are again: Baywalk. Can you believe it?

This guy has been picking me up every night for the past week to drive up here and stare at nothingness. It’s so dark, I can’t even see Manila Bay. He takes me here and we drink a dozen Smirnoff Mule bottles - each. Sometimes, I’d try to make conversation. But most times, I stare at him staring at the sky. I have stopped trying to make conversation for three days now. If he wanted to date, he can afford to take me to a 5 Star restaurant.

What the hell is this guy pulling?

We’re on the back of his pickup. A blanket underneath us with pillows for our heads for when we get tired. He came with pillows this time. I complained last night that my neck was getting tired from all the staring. Imagine staring at the sky and towards whatever can be stared at for 4 hours. FOUR HOURS of no talking.  

He would pick me at my house at 7:30, after dinner, and then he’d take me here.  

At first, I thought maybe he needed someone to talk to. But we never talked. Then I thought, oh he must be lonely. But he doesn’t seem sad or lonely. Then I thought, maybe he’s bored, like me! And then I ran out of ideas.

So, we’ve been here, 2 hours. I drank those bottles of beer mixes so fast, I only have one bottle of my dozen left.

He was staring at the bay.

I mean, there is nothing visible.

What is there to stare at?

“Do you like me?”

I finally asked. I saw him stiffen but he was still staring at the bay.

“Kevin. DO YOU like me?” I asked louder.

“Of course, I like you.” He was still not looking at me. My eyes squinted at him.

“I know that. But… do you like me, LIKE ME?”

He finally turned his head to look at me. He wasn’t saying anything. He was just… staring. I saw him swallow hard. He blinked. He let out a sigh. He looked at the sky then looked out the bay again. Jesus Christ!

“Answer the question.” I drank from my bottle.

He looked back at me again. Pursed his lips then ran his hand on his forehead and his hair.

“Yes. I like you… LIKE you.” His shoulders shrugged.

“Good.” I said.

“That’s it?” he asked.

“I just wanted to know.”

“Cool.”

“Cool.”

 “How about you? Do you like me?” he finally asked.

“You think, I’d get on a staring contest with you every night for the past week, if I didn’t?”

“You’re not answering the question.”

“Yes. I like you… LIKE YOU.” I looked into his eyes.

“Good to know.”

But the air felt like there was something else.

 “What?”

“What?”

“What is it?”

“What’s what?”

“Stop repeating what I say.”

“I’m not.”

“If you wanna say something then say it.”

“I…”

“What?”

He fell silent.

“God!”

He got off the car. Paced back and forth and walked around the car then jumped to the back of the truck again, beside me.

“I’m out of beer.”

“Will you be my girlfriend?” My jaw dropped. My heart stopped, I think it did. Oh it’s still okay. I think I ran out of air. Got to catch my breath first.

“I… W… a.. You.. “ That was what came out of my mouth. Noise.

“I know what I’m getting into. I know. I just… think. I just. Want… I just do. Okay?” He sighed and drank his beer. Then he lay down on the pillow and closed his eyes.

My mind was blank. I heard all that he said.

Screw it.

“Yes.”

I said yes.

He sat up almost immediately.

He just smiled at me.

“Now I can finally do this.”

He took my hand and lay me down beside him.

We just lay there, fingers intertwined.

He turned to face me. I faced him.

He put his hand on my chin and inched me close to him. He smiled and looked in to my eyes.

He lifted my chin and kissed my lips for the first time. I smiled between the kisses.

That felt good.

Everything felt good.

It didn’t matter that I had a boyfriend.

PAANO


Muntik ko nang sabihin
Buti na lang ay napigilan
Maganda bang di mo na malaman
Napapanis kong lihim
Hanggang kailan ba pipigilan
Masama ba na iyong malaman
Paano kung tayo pa lang dalawa
Naiisip ko lang, naiisip mo rin kaya
Paano kaya kung tatanungin kita
Bakit hindi ka kapiling
Inaasam ang iyong halik
Matitikman ba ang tamis
Oh kay hirap aminin
Baka ang dati’y mag-iba
Ayaw ko lang na ika’y mawala
Paano kung tayo pa lang dalawa
Naiisip ko lang, naiisip mo rin kaya
Paano kaya kung tatanungin kita
Paano, paano kaya
Paano, kung tayo pala
Paano, paano kaya
Paano kung tayo pa lang dalawa
Paano kung tayo pa lang dalawa
Naiisip ko lang, naiisip mo rin kaya
Paano kaya kung tatanungin kita
Paano kung tayo pa lang dalawa
Paano, paano kaya
Paano kung tayo pa lang dalawa

One Day…
whether you are 14,
28
or 65
you will stumble upon
someone who will start
a fire in you that cannot die.
However, the saddest,
most awful truth you will 
ever come to find —-
is they are not always
with whom we spend our lives.

One Day…

whether you are 14,

28

or 65

you will stumble upon

someone who will start

a fire in you that cannot die.

However, the saddest,

most awful truth you will 

ever come to find —-

is they are not always

with whom we spend our lives.

I’m thinking of you
#K

Hey You. Stop thinking of me to think of you. I already am.

i wanna hit you with a rock in the face so you’d know how much it hurts to miss you this way.

All I knew this morning when I woke Is I know something now, know something now I didn’t before.

Look in my eyes, you got the moon, I’ve got the shine

"Pero sinisira ng tadhana ang karapatan natin pumili ng para sa atin…nakakagago no?" {That Twisted Love Story by pilosopotasya}

Can i for a moment be appalingly selfish and ask for you to save me? #tylerknott

If you are the distraction, I want to be distracted forever.” {Chase and Hearts by jonaxx}

Please don’t be in love with someone else Please don’t have somebody waiting on you

#K

There is more you know,
more than the this we have here,
we can have it all.

“If you have someone that you think is The One, don’t just sort of think in your ordinary mind, ‘Okay, let’s pick a date. Let’s plan this and make a party and get married.’ Take that person and travel around the world. Buy a plane ticket for the two of you to travel all around the world, and go to places that are hard to go to and hard to get out of. And if when you come back to JFK, when you land in JFK, and you’re still in love with that person, get married at the airport.” ~ Bill Murray

Almost is Never Enough (mi acapella cover)

For J

I guess fate was bored when it brought us to each other.

 I had never met anyone whose everything was perfectly in sync with mine.

It was… enchanting to have met you.

But that was it.

Just

it.

A lump forms in my throat.

The two of us

Never quite getting there, just slightly reaching in.

Neither one of us dared.

You are my soul mate.

I know so.

And I think you do, too.

A line from a song echoes in my head.

Well, here we are now.

You can say anything.

J

Is it just one too many nights?

or is it the beginning of every morning and every night thereafter?

A story about a man and a woman who both refuse to settle.

a story that tells you that when you stop looking, you just might find it.

——————-

Lia Gaia Lillith Hwan OngKiatCo – 30. Comes from a well-to-do family. Abhors the thought of marriage and lifetimes together but loves weddings. Currently in between jobs. Has an extensive list of relationships from serious to pseudo to flings and everything in between. Is in a long term relationship with Tyler Chen.

Keith Marion Yang TanChi – 26. Heir apparent of a chain of hotels. Unico hijo. Highly sociable. Heartthrob. Social butterfly.. No serious relationship – ever. Always looking for something new.

————————-
This story has highly mature content. You have been warned.
Sorry if it’s mostly in English. I’m trying my best to write more of it in Filipino.

“Ang great love mo, hindi mo makakatuluyan. Ang makakatuluyan mo ay yung correct love.”
― Ricky Lee, Para Kay B #quotes

Whyever you wandered

into this little life of mine,

however you found me,

it matters not.

Forget the way you came,

I never want you

to go back

again.

#TylerKnott

(via tylerknott)

For E

7/26/14

E,

You broke my heart today.  I saw you with her and you put a ring in her finger as she put a ring in yours. I didn’t see everything clearly at first but one glimpse moved me to tears. It was as if, an avalanche was upon me but I could not move. So this is how heartbreak feels like.

I know it had been a while and I thought I had since gotten over whatever it was I had for you. I had grown to accept that all the ‘almosts’ and the moments that were ‘so close’ were simply my imagination running wild. That when you said that it was I whom you loved, it wasn’t real, it wasn’t true.

You’re so unfair, you know. Whenever I’ve managed to free myself from you, you creep your way into my dreams and my nightmares. And on occasion you invade my reality. You, with your longing eyes and the enchanting smiles and those strong arms wrapped around me tight, seemingly not wanting to let go. The look you give me when we see each other, as if you want to hold me, take me away, to tell me you wanna be with me. The midnight drunken conversations, telling me you need me and asking me to never leave. I wonder why up until that point I believed all of it.

You do that all the time. Pushing my buttons but leaving me hanging. 18 fucking years and you never let me leave, not even for a second. It didn’t matter that I had someone in my life and that you had someone in yours. You always tug at the string you tied around my soul. And like a puppet, I find my way back to you. You didn’t care that I had found some form of happiness beyond you. Or were you just too selfish to let me be happy without you?

I can’t even properly say goodbye when I have to. You make it seem like it’s my fault when it is entirely yours. I hate that I can let you be happy without me. I hate that I have to see you happy with her.

You led me on. You knew you had my heart since the day we met. You took it and never gave it back. I thought it was because you would give me yours one day. But that day never came.  It will never ever come.

You are my first and only heartbreak.

I know this now.

You will never give me your heart.

But you will always have mine.

J